hmmmm, it's been a while.
10.16.06 (8:50 pm) [edit]so, i've given myself months away from this thing and i still haven't come up with anything to say. i suppose, considering my pessimistic mentality, that it's best that way. college is fun, most of the time, when i don't think about the fact that the reason that i have all new friends was that i screwed up the last time. i hope i don't mess it all up again. but i think, all in all, i'm a more honest person than i have been, at least with others, and that will hopefully keep me away from drama. but damn, we play wayyy too much euchre. anyway, goodbye for a while, again, i just wanted to let anyone who looks at this to know that i'm not dead, if it even matters. who am i kidding, of course it matters. maybe not right now, but someday, it will.
hah.
05.17.06 (7:10 am) [edit]"10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is "Wrong"
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3)Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behaviour. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and
can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
I'm starting a new project...it is called Augustine, and it involves two acoustics and a keyboard...could be fun.
we know the music is dead because we killed it.
05.06.06 (12:54 pm) [edit]Ben (our drummer) quit out of nowhere.
The band is dead.
I'm fucking pissed.
There must be a Yoko Ono, I'm sure of it.
Plans.
04.22.06 (3:08 pm) [edit]Prom. Cedar Point. Showbread. Thursday. mewithoutYou. Work orientation. Work. Cousin's wedding. Picture taking. Graduation. Open houses. Parties. More working. Cornerstone. 200+ amazing bands. 90 degree weather. Playing shows. Recording. Beach. Swimming. Summer. Regestering for classes. Moving out. Moving in. Saving lots of money. Spending lots of saved money. School. College. Ends. Beginnings. New friends. Losing old ones? Freshman 15. Hopefully not. Homework homework homework. Still playing shows. Still breathing. Still praying. Still dreaming. "And it came to me then, that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time."
purple trees.
04.09.06 (11:36 am) [edit]Colorado was spectacular...friday we got a foot of powder, the four days before that I was skiing in a t-shirt.
I got home and discovered my band has 5 shows lined up, where before I left, I didn't know of any....and we start recording this week.
Today, I put on a mood ring and it turned purple. It either means I have really cold hands, or I'm in a tranquil mood. I suppose both could be true. It looks amazing outside, I'm going to go for a walk.
certainty vs. uncertainty vs. escape
03.29.06 (9:12 pm) [edit]I hate this. I have never been so consumed...felt so out of control...about something so completely stupid. Maybe it's not stupid...actually, it probably isn't. But I'm convinced that I must convince myself that it is. To believe otherwise is to indulge in a dream that can never be realized. In short, if I never hope for it, I'll find that I cannot possibly be let down.
But I can't believe that, no matter how hard I try. I've prayed and prayed and prayed, and nothing has changed. Maybe that means that I need to stop being so introspective. I'm pretty sure it means I need to stop being controlling. God has shown me over and over again how little control I actually have. But I've wanted this so badly for so long that it has almost become a part of me; if I were to wake up one day without longing desperately to be with you, I wouldn't really know what to do with myself. Two years is much too long for this. For high school. For teenagers who know nothing of feeling, of loss, of love. I can't help thinking that I've done this to myself; that in allowing myself to care so much about you, I've buried myself alive.
Maybe its not what I think. Maybe this is one of those terrible stories...where you meet ten years later, you're both with someone else and completely miserable...you remark, you know, I liked you in high school. And he remarks, Man, I did too. We could have started something, but what if we were both too shy to say anything? He confuses me like I don't even know the meaning of the word. One second he's spending all his time with me, acting as if he cares tremendously, going out of his way to talk and 'hang out'...then the next minute he could care less. Its completely stupid. I'm in high school, nothing matters anyway. I hate it when I can't understand myself, I hate it even more when I know its something I shouldn't give a damn about, but I do. We're best friends...I don't think I've ever felt that I've known so much about someone. I can read his mind, we finish each others sentences, we like exactly the same things...we always understand each other. This is the one time I have ever not known what he's thinking, and it's driving me nuts.
I guess the problem is in not knowing. If I knew he wanted to keep it 'just friends' I could deal with it and move on. But I don't. I'm the epitome of a broken record. Its absolutely disgusting. I wish I had the guts to speak up, but we're such good friends, if things drifted toward the 'awkward' end of the spectrum, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do with myself.
I've been thinking about this for two fucking years. I need to get the hell over it or do something about it. I need to convince myself that certainty, no matter how bad it is, is better than this uncertainty that is keeping me from being happy.
I'm sick of this.
happy irish day.
03.17.06 (3:27 pm) [edit]Two shows this weekend...should be frigging amazing, call the cell if you want more info...one tonight one tomorrow night, both in muskegon. One more week till musical's done...can't wait for that, it's eating my life...lol Two weeks till I'm on a train to Colorado. Woah. This has been the best last few weeks ever, and its about to get even better. I don't know why its been so amazing, but I'm going with it, not questioning. Oh, and I got asked to prom. Teehee. And if you're not wearing green today, consider yourself pinched.
there is no one who gets me like you do.
03.02.06 (2:59 pm) [edit]holy crap, i have an espresso machine.
it makes my mornings happy :)
my puter's been messed up for the last two weeks, i just fixed it...corrupted registry files due to getting unplugged...it took me forever to fix it with the dang recovery console...windows sucks. but i have all my files recovered, thanks to God...lol...time to back up everything. registry editing is a mess.
show tonight....ben gets back from canadia saturday, then we have a full show next friday...(tonight is acoustic...woot) battle of the bands on the 18th, supposidly 600+ people will be there. all i can think is 'holy crap'.
recording next week, t-shirts get printed soon, and we start selling stickers tonight.
musical in three weeks...
and we had a snow day today :)
i had a crazy dream last night about me and ben...i wish it was real. i've been finding more solace in dreams lately than in friends...and i don't like being awake unless i'm playing a show. josh and i talked for what seemed like forever the other day about faith and i'm really starting to feel better..its been a good couple of months since maybe halloween or so, i've managed to get my life back on track.
4 weeks till spring break. (colorado!)
three months till graduation!
five months till i move out.
i need to find a job for summer...i don't really want to go back to kaman's. maybe i'll work in lydia's coffee shop...i'm sure it would be relaxed and the hours would be comfortable. and its five minutes from my house. and i would get to consume the mistakes. i should look into that.
untill then, i'll just have to enjoy my super strong homade lattes.
holy crap, this norton update i'm supposed to download (with dial up) is 20 mb.....i can't wait till i get wireless.
THIS WINTER SUCKS.
02.14.06 (9:34 pm) [edit]This was actually an ok valentines day. I got flowers.....teehee...and candy. Cliche, but better than nothing.
Frickdang. This winter sucks. I've been busting out the cross country skis as much as possible, but there's barely enough snow. Definately not enough for downhill which is really sad to me.
Then there's Ben...who is skipping a week of school to go to fricking BC to snowboard. Not fair. Not at all.
We might hae an acoustic show this weekend. It could be good.
Ummm...lets see, what else...
Meh. I dunno.
He makes me smile.
desperately avoiding confrontation.
02.11.06 (12:47 am) [edit]i don't know what to do.
there are two things bothering me and i'm having a difficult time articulating either.
both have to do with friends.
one is because i don't know what to say or how to say it. we're such close friends and i don't know where to go.
the other is because i'm afraid of what i will say if i give myself the chance. we were close and now we're drifting and i don't know how to fix it.
i hate feeling completely helpless like this.
i don't know what to do.
i know i could change things. i just don't have the guts.
frickdang.
02.03.06 (10:17 am) [edit]pretty much all I can think of to say is wow. wow, they're leaving, and leaving so much behind.
annie, meg and kindra decided (three days ago) that on march 1st, they're moving to california. they're gonna go out there, get random jobs, get an apartment (that is, if annie's car makes it out there) and probably smoke a lot of pot.
i'm not too happy. yeah, they can do whatever they want. but its sudden...its compulsive...its rash. meg and kindra, yeah, its the thing i'd expect from them because they really don't give a crap about anything...they're just kind of floaters, like they do what they feel like...free spirits, to steal a hippie phrase. i don't know, i guess i'm not mad because if they think they can be happy out there, more power to them...at least they're trying. but there are some commitments they're breaking, and thats what frusturates me.
like how next year, i was going to room with them in grand rapids, plus hailey and sarah. we were going to have the time of our lives, and rent was gonna be cheap. but now, half of the people i was supposed to live with are leaving, and i don't know what i'm going to do.
option one: i get a random apartment in GR with some people I don't know, either hate them all or start drinking/smoking again, either option kinda sucks. i guess i might end up with some cool people, but its not a chance I want to take just yet.
option two: i get on campus housing, pay lots of extra money. i isolate myself in my dorm (i really, really, really don't want to live in a dorm!) because I don't know anyone and I don't want to make new friends, I just want another excuse to feel sorry for myself. so, i'll probably be miserable. unless sarah ends up at gvsu, then i could room with her. or i could room with holly, but we're all super fricking bipolar, either way i see us hating each other. not good. i dunno, i guess i could convince myself to be happy for a couple of months but, yeah, mind over matter, its my motto, but i'm not so good at following it.
option three: schedule my classes on 2 or 3 days, live at home in our newly built house, and commute. its like...50-55 minutes one way, not that bad if i consider i spend at least 5 hours a week driving to and from school right now, with classes on 3 days, we're looking at 6 hours. i think i might be able to handle that...plus, i'd be able to see all my friends in muskegon and gr when i'm in allendale and such...
I don't know, I'll figure it out.
what really frosts me though, is the fact that my parents sunk 600 bucks into Meg going to colorado with us...they weren't planning on her paying them back; she never has any money and her parents don't either. now, she's not going. i haven't told them yet b/c i haven't been home yet...but they're gonna be pissed.
sarah and I have been brainstorming trying to figure out who we're going to take...we'll figure it out i guess.
hyper-insomnia-para-condroid
01.27.06 (9:56 am) [edit]sitting in study hall again...i'm pretty bored. but sara michelle dahms and justin micheal vanhook are next to me making funny faces at me, so it's somewhat interesting. justin spells his middle name funny. but thats what his license says so it must be right. anywho, tonight i'm leaving. i'm pretty excited. i'm going to nubs nob w/sarah elizabeth rosenberg. i cannot wait. because my sister isn't going...haha. happy birthday to meee...heh. i'm strangishly hyper this week. just ask my friends. like...bouncing off the walls and being really loud and obnoxious. which, i am anyway, but not all the time. pretty much, its like me drinking a 2 liter of mountain dew at 3 in the morning in a half hour. all the time. wierd. i think that benjamin edward downer is much more excited about my birthday than i am. or, so he has informed me. he's been counting down the days for crying out loud. and claims he's calling me at 4 am sunday morning, which, according to him, is when my exact birthday starts (go figure) and therefore i won't be 17 till 4 am sunday. he's a dork...pretty much. sara is sitting next to me staring into the distance...well, not really, she's staring at a blank computer screen kinda swaying back and forth with glassed over eyes and her mouth half open. i really wonder what she's pondering because it looks intense... hah, i poked her in the arm and she jumped. anyway, study hall's done, so i guess i should probably go to 3rd hour. maybe. probably. eventually. bahhhhh, i need more caffine.
blah.
01.25.06 (4:08 pm) [edit]I think that this is the first time I've been home when it's light outside in maybe three weeks.
Insane.
I'm not gonna waste it talking to no one...lol.
guitarcorerightnow.
manic panic
01.22.06 (7:42 pm) [edit]An excellent weekend on the slopes...even if it averaged 34 degrees...
Today I felt really off though, I don't know why. My balance really sucked. I went from falling once or twice the whole season to falling like five times today on the dumbest things...
I don't know what's up with me lately. I keep feeling like I need to get away from things...from people...even though I really don't. Does that make any sense? Like the smallest things just drive me up the perverbial wall till I wanna throw myself off a bridge. It's so bizarre.
Well, not really if I think about it.
Its like being in the car friday night driving back from GR around midnight...we were so scared. Because we had no control...and all it would have taken was one patch of ice, one moron in another car...we'd be off the road like a stalled car that gets hit by a train.
I feel like I need to do something. Something spectacular. Shocking, I guess is a better word.
Like I feel so many different things that aren't even close to being true...its like having another person in my head...every once in a while I stop and realize what I'm doing...what I'm saying.
Like I need to make a list of the billion things to do, and then tear it up because I'll never bring myself to do any of them.
I wonder if I'll ever stop being a pessimist. An interesting thing to ponder while I fail to fall asleep tonight.
See? There I go again.
Winter is so ambiguous for me.
I feel so nucking futs right now.
Wierd. Not down, just like I'm the only one in the world that actually exists, and everyone is fake. Like the only dynamic and developed character in a novel full of static.
Wtf?
and now, the encore!
01.21.06 (10:22 am) [edit]well, thanks....fuck you too Joe.
glad I could be of help.
glad it's always my fault.
It's my own sick sad method of revenge.
Apparantly.
glad you can't get over yourself for two seconds to see that other people might have, at some point at least, cared about you.
glad that meant something to you.
ah well. beginning to wonder why I bothered talking you out of killing yourself...what, twice at least? just so you can turn around and shove it in my face about how worthless life is.
you know what, I don't care.
or, at least, I'm going to proceed to convince myself of that as of right now.
ready, set, go.
glad you've made me worthless too.
i'm not a princess!
01.20.06 (9:43 am) [edit]Yeah. Uhhh....so ever since I was 5, I've been in theater...and always tried to get the big parts...but ya know, in high school it's all about seniority...so the upper classmen got the bigger parts even if they can't act...especially at the school I go to now cause there's only 200 kids...
so, I was kinda playing with the idea of trying out for the musical this year but then decided I didn't wanna put that much time into something that would just stress me out...
Sooo...Tryouts were Wednesday, and I wasn't going to go...Sarah was, and I had to wait for her cause I was her ride and we were going to my house...and I went and sat in the room and the two directors and Sarah convinced me to read...just for shits and giggles (so I thought) and then everybody else read and left, they asked me to sing...yada yada yada...then they asked me if I'd actually do it, I caved and said sure.
Next thing I knew, they'd handed me thelead.
I hate commitment.
Oh well...we could be doing some kind of western again...
It's 'Once Upon A Matress', which is really the princess and the pea.....and I'm the princess.
a twinge of bitterness mixed with the rain
01.19.06 (5:36 pm) [edit]let's see...where to start...
perhaps with the sad fact that I was supposed to finally get to see Liz today...after about three months. now it looks like I'll never get to see her...how did things end up like this?
it seems like i'm always the one that gets hurt. it's months later. i havn't spoken to him in a while, and i really don't miss him at all. in retrospect, he's always been kind of an ass and he's still just as arrogant.
and stupid.
ok, i'll stop, this isn't x-boyfriend bashing time.
anyway, here's what happened, at least from what i'm told...
somehow, his parents think that i'm a druggie. i have no idea how my name got dragged into things. he got arrested, and like the liar that he is, he didn't tell his parents for months. now they finally know and i guess he's gotten into rehab. fine, good for him. but honestly, that shit is his problem and i had nothing to do with it.
i was a part of the solution, not the problem!
so, fine. i smoked pot with him a couple of times. it honestly wasn't that often. and i'd only done it, what...three or four times before we started hanging out? after a while, it was all he wanted to do. i had already seen it destroy my friend meg's life, and now i was watching it destroy his too. keep in mind, this was over the time period of a month and i never smoked more than twice a week. any way you look at it, it's less than ten times. he'd smoked pot at least twice a day for four fucking years. after a point, i stopped smoking with him.
i can't remember ever really having a good time while i was high. i'm always paranoid. i'm too much of a goodie-goodie to get into it. really, what's so fun about spending two hours with absolutely no filter on the words that come out of your mouth? i don't know...the first couple times i did it, i was either drunk or it was just because my best friends were into it. i'll admit, it doesn't take much for me to give in to things...or rather, it didn't. it was summer and i didn't care.
don't get me wrong, i think it is probably the dumbest thing i've ever done. if i could take it back, i would. but no one ever found out, my friends didn't care, and i'd gotten away from it as easily as i got in to it.
but obviously, i wasn't supposed to escape without conscequences.
somehow in his explanation to his parents, they came to the conclusion that i was 'in to drugs' and 'way too old' to be hanging out with their impressionable daughter, Liz. I'm two years older. It's not like she's 10 and I'm 12. We're both in high school.
Fine, she's their daughter, I did smoke pot. That is obviously their right to say what she can and cannot do. But from the conversations I'd had with them, I kind of thought I knew them a little better.
As devout as they are in their catholic faith, I would think that they would at least contemplate not judging me.
They don't even know their own children.
They've got 9 kids. Joe wasn't the first to be into drugs. And it was pot for crying out loud. Not heroin. Pot's bad, yeah, sure. But I didn't get Joe into it. As far as I know, I was the only one trying to pull him out.
And Liz? I'm betting I'm more naive than her, and I'm 3 grades ahead of her. She's seen much more of the world than I have.
Now we're destined to live out a friendship through 'times new roman' and 'what's your email again?'.
So, then, logically, the flawed human being that I am, I'm looking for someone to blame.
Is it the judgemental and blind parents? The addicted and suicidal son? Or the x-girlfriend who tries too hard to please everyone?
It's so twisted, I can't even see where it all started.
All that I can conclude is that I don't ever want to have anything to do with him. He is as bad as the drugs that now repulse me.
And you know what scares me even more? If we had broken up three days later, I would have been right there in the car with him. And even though I KNOW I wouldn't have smoked with him, it wouldn't have mattered. Guilty by association. 'Here's an MIP, now go try and find a job.' A 'get the hell out of my house' from the parents. An arrest for trying miserably to save him.
Good thing I gave up on him.
DRAMAdramadRAMADramadrAMADRamadraMADRAmadramADRAMadramaDRAMA
01.17.06 (10:15 pm) [edit]Mmhmm, yeah. Me again.
I'm trying to find the easiest way to avoid drama. I figure writing first, think about it, then speak.
Who knew the chapel speech I heard this morning would come in handy so soon?
Let's see, what were the rules again...
1) Keep your face out of other people's buisness.
2) Find brain. Use brain. Then speak.
3) Control your emotions.
So, really now that I think about it, there's really no drama here. But it's funny...cause I remember the first comversation we had after we broke up he told me to stop being dramatic...'you bring me drama, i'll give it back' or something like that.
He thinks he's so worthless...it drives me nuts. I almost want to just be mean and say 'suck it up--grow a pear!'
He's entitled to feelings, I suppose, and who am I to talk anyway? I have a tendancy to be the most melodramatic person on the face of the earth.
So a journal is to rant, and you're entitled to put your feelings there, the ones no one has to worry about, cause you say them once, mull them over for a bit and then they dissapate.
Except he's been repeating himself for months with the whole 'woe is me' spiel.
Hmm...what were his exact words...
"Instead shes famous in a rockband but secretly cries herself to sleep sometimes"
And all I want to do is to take him by the throat and squeeze, then shake, then yell "you don't know me!! I don't even know me!!" because of course, if I am to say something influential and profound, it has to come from Family Guy.
In fact, I don't know when the last time I cried was, let alone cried myself to sleep. He doesn't bother to wonder how I'm doing--if he does, he doesn't show it because he never talks to me. Not that I'm pissed or anything, I'm actually completely fine for once.
I cannot remember ever being this content with my life.
It's wierd, because me, as the hopeless pessimist, I'm always looking for the catch--wondering how long this is going to last. I think it could last forever...I just gotta stay in constant prayer...just always be thinking...remembering that He's always next to me.
It's wierd, hearing myself talk like this...usually someone mentions God and immediately I stop listening. But somehow, lately, it's all fallen into place...
It's wierd, but comforting.
So, the drama? Do I say something to him? I really want to go to bed...lol...not that I'd rather do that than 'save him'...I'm always up for 'saving someone'. But I don't think he'd listen. And I don't want to make it into something it's not becase really, what the heck do I know?
Nada whole lot.
Enough for tonight.
no two snowflakes are alike. who proved this?! have they SEEN all the snowflakes?
01.17.06 (9:59 pm) [edit]I'm still not sure about this new format thing...but my poll decided to work today, I guess that's a plus.
I love Michigan weather, don't you? It's raining, right, so you think, what of it? No biggie. At least our principal did today.
I walk out to my car this morning...fall. Foot hits the sidewalk, butt hits ground. Newtons third law...equal and opposite reactions...yada yada yada...
Scrape the inch of ice off my car, and after trying three or four times to get out of my driveway, I finally make it. My mom calls me and says that Whitehall and New Era are closed...as well as Catholic and Grand Haven and Mona Shores and pretty much every other west Michigan school you can think of.
Why aren't we closed? We're a private school without busses...we're usually first to close.
B/c our principal is retarted and didn't even think it could be a day for a delay. He leaves home early (this is all from his mouth, I'm an office aid) and has no problem getting to school. He doesn't get the 40 some odd messages from his house of parents and teachers asking if we're open...and by the time he realizes we should be delayed, it's like...7:30...way too late to call it.
In short, I shoulda stayed home today. The roads sucked. They were much worse coming home though, almost got taken out by a semi again.
This seems to be a regular occurance, me almost getting taken out by big trucks or semis. It irks me that everyone has to tailgate me, especially when the roads suck. I'm sorry I drive a civic, and not some huge diesel F150. My tires suck. I can't go that fast, I'll die!
Maybe that's what they want...
Heh. Anyway...I get to see Liz Thursday! It's exciting. Havn't seen her in months. Andddd....bedtime. Go.
what the deuce...
01.16.06 (9:01 pm) [edit]woah. they changed everything on here. i don't like it...it means i have to take time to change everything and fix all the css and html and...yeah, it just pisses me off. i'd rather be spending my time differently. i've actually taken time to print off all my archives from the past two years. it's a lot of paper! i need a 3 inch binder to hold all of it. it's wierd, reading stuff I wrote a year ago and realizing how far i've come...and how stupid i must have seemed to everyone. i know i sound stupid to myself... i guess not stupid, just...immature. meh, i have my moments still. anyway, i'm gonna go eat dinner.
You're in control, is there anything you wanna know?
01.14.06 (3:10 pm) [edit]I feel better. : )
Tomorrow is the spiritual emphasis group leader's retreat....such a long name....SEWGL retreat? A little better...at any rate, it's tomorrow...I should probably find a way to put some gas in my car before I have to drive all the way to Holland, eh?
I can go see movies rated R in two weeks....haha, I'm so young compared to my friends.
Anyway, I missed three days of school last week, and we only have a 4 day week coming up...when was the last time I attended a full week of school? I can't remember, but I kinda like it.
Anyway, its a fun weekend ahead of me. I'm gonna go enjoy it.
hey look, cool explosion....oh shit, that was my head.
01.10.06 (6:45 pm) [edit]Yeah, so umm...last night when I said to Ben "I feel like crap. Since the only way for me to feel worse would be for me to start puking, I'll only get better, right?"
Yeah, I lied.
I'm definately living in a bubble. And I'm definately going to miss senior skip day. Which I planned.
Mmm...I watched 8 hours of TV today. That's disgusting. And after being a couch potatoe all day, what am I going to do now?
Go upstairs and crawl into bed for another 12 hours or so...
I can't even think clearly enough to do homework...I'm having a hard time typing this...so I think I'll be done.
Ben says I have SARS. I think he's right.
was that a cough or a sneeze? oh...guess it was both.
01.09.06 (2:20 pm) [edit]I don't think that I can ever remember being this sick save once, but that's another story entirely.
I finally got an hour and a half of sleep this morning after not sleeping all f-ing night...I can't breathe.
All that crosses my mind is that I might be sick for senior skip day. Hah, at least I'm still optimistic. I'm not usually this nice when I'm sick, usually I'm a fricking bitch....I don't get sick often but when I do, it's hell. It's been a few days and it has only gotten worse. Soooo...we'll wait and see.
I really want to go to practice tonight, but I don't want to get all my friends sick...I can hear Ben now, "You don't have to come, we want you to get better." And then when I show up, "Way to sacrifice for the band." Man, what would I do without that kid?
Probably nothing constructive...that's for sure.
Ugh. Time for another massive dose of medications so I don't have to face the eminant explosion of my head.
I'm so drugged up right now, I doubt I could drive my car. This may be a problem.
